I recently read this book called P.S. I Love You. Have always wanted to read it from the great reviews I heard of it, but looking at the synopsis, it didn't sound tht enthralling. Boy was I wrong! It was among the most emotional / touching book I've read.
The funny thing was, I keep hugging my hubby after every single note tht ended with P.S. I Love You, tht he gave me the wht's-wrong-wif-u look.
The gist of the story is tht there's a couple called Gerry & Holly. Gerry is diagnosed with brain tumor & died. As Holly was still in great depression after his death, she found a parcel from Gerry to her & in this parcels there are 10 envelopes - 1 for each month (he died in Feb, so it's for the balance of the mths before the year ends). The rule of the game is she can only open the envelope on the allocated mth. Each envelope has a short message asking her to do something tht will - help her get through her grief / reach out for her friends & family again / find a job to occupy her time / enrich her life / an all expense paid trip for Holly & her friends! etc-etc... but they all ends with P.S. I Love You - which is so touching.
So to explain my "hugging actions" to my hubby I told him the story & said I can understand how the heroine feels... I can't bear thinking of such tragedy befalling us! It makes me wanna cry thinking how horrible it must be to go through wht Holly had to go through. Sigh.... but.... ever the realist, my hubby said "So... you're thinking I'll die soon / first ah... & you want me to write to you tht notes."
Rolling my eyes, I tell myself... why did I even bother telling this man who gives me chrysanthemums (the ones you bring to the Chinese graves) as a gift!
Tried promoting it to Storm but she can't appreciate it as well. In her words "the heroinne is crying & whining all the time; it's nerve grating!" Hmm... Isn't tht a normal reaction to death especially for someone so close?
Oh well... I still love it anyway & it reminds me to never take for granted tht our loved-ones know of our feelings without expressing... Reminds me to say "I Love You" more often to ppl tht matters. Reminds me to be more patient if my hubby is taking hours to get ready / is such a sound sleeper tht I have to create an "earthquake" to wake him up / is slow to figure out wht pisses me off (men!). After all, he was patient with my "lousy" cooking (always not as good as mummy's... an impossible yardstick to match up to... Imagine - "my mum fried eggs differently & it somehow tastes better" duh...), my craze for books (even reading over dinner), my chocoholic cravings, my building shoe collection & my craze over L'Occitane products.
So bibi dearest... Have I told you today? P.S. I Love you... :-)
Friday 3 October 2008
Fern's Evil Twin
I've done it! I've finally got my hair cut & permed! Gosh... I do look different! Storm said tht it must be my evil twin walking around.... Not Fern...
Have been putting it off for so long tht when I told Storm I'm going to get my hair done, she gave me the "Yeah-right-we'll-see" look.
So Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah - 1st time in my 29-years on earth I'm having curls in my hair. Will try to get my pix posted as soon as I got 1.
Thanks for those who voted... See... I took your advise... :-)
Ciao!
Have been putting it off for so long tht when I told Storm I'm going to get my hair done, she gave me the "Yeah-right-we'll-see" look.
So Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah - 1st time in my 29-years on earth I'm having curls in my hair. Will try to get my pix posted as soon as I got 1.
Thanks for those who voted... See... I took your advise... :-)
Ciao!
Chinese Wedding Tradition for Sean
My Ozzi “halfy” (half Aus + half Chinese) cousin is getting married & he’d like to plan a traditional wedding ceremony in M’sia to celebrate the occasion with his Mum’s side of the family. So in my attempt to document down the list of ceremonies / things to do, I thought, why not just document them down in my Blog! Haiya…!
Ok, so here goes – it’s going to be a long 1 (apologies if I misquoted / misrepresent cos’ I must admit that I’m also very much a “banana” = yellow outside, white inside) :-p
1. Seeking hand in marriage
Sean will most likely skip this step cos’ he’s proposed (on bended knees!) in some mountain (I can’t remember where – Canada?). Anyways, just for general knowledge, normally the head of the family from the bride & the groom will meet at a Restaurant / Tea House (most likely over dim sum – juzz my fantasy, may not be true…). This is where they’ll be agreeing on the marriage & “hammer” out such details as number of tables to be reserved for the brides’ family for the wedding dinner, dowry amount, dowry presentation date, “Cross Door” date (i.e. when the bride is fetched fr the lady’s to the man’s family) & yada-yada-yada.
2. Presentation of “dowry” & “sweetener”
Now this is an interesting piece of tradition, cos’ I didn’t really know much abt it until I went through it myself. Following are the list of stuff my husband has to prepare & bring to my parent on the allocated date & time :
a) Dowry – of course…. Money-money-money…. Not cheap u know to feed & educate kids these days… hahaha
d) Bao / Mantou preferably with Kaya filling – I don’t know the original reason behind this, but the new version tht I hear fr the “Dai Kam Che” (the lady employed to handle all the ceremonies for the wedding) is tht Kaya which is made of coconut milk + egg + sugar also sounds like the Malay word for “Rich” & Bao in Chinese sounds like “guaranteed”. So by having Kaya Bao, you’re “Guaranteed Richness”… I know-I know, this must be some new thing M’sian Chinese developed. Doubt the Mainland China folks know wht is Kaya!
e) Sweet drinks – Same concept as (b). In this modern age & time F&N Orange would do just fine. No Coca-Cola / Pepsi pls… Anything black is a No-No.
In return, my family will give the following (it is the believed tht the groom should not go back empty-handed. The superstition is tht the bride’s family will take all the wealth fr the groom :
a) Old coconut – To be honest I can’t remember if this is supposed to come from the bride / the groom, but I just assume it’s fr the bride lah! Reason being, the bride will call the father-in-law by the title “Loh-Yeh” (roughly translated as Old Father?.. or something like tht) & old coconut is called “Low Yea” in Cantonese; so due to similarity in sound, this is given (probably to say “You can start calling me Loh Yeh fr now Missy! :-p ). Oh & it has to be 2 & not 1. Chinese is against odd numbers. Everything good must come in even numbers. Normally these old coconuts are stuck with red paper cut out to the shape of “double happiness” Chinese character.
g) Red Wooden Clogs – the bride is suppose to wear this during the ceremony
h) Comb – now this is the interesting part. The parent of the bride will need to comb the hair of the bride in 3 strokes & each stroke must be a complete stroke from the crown of the head to the tip of the hair. It’s deemed in auspicious to have a tangle half way through the stroke; belief it is to signify tht married life should be smooth sailing & no obstacles in the way. Modern women have the solution to this – rebonding! Some may rightfully ask, what if I wanna keep my natural curls? You cheat! Wash / wet your hair (get the help of conditioners if need to), comb your hair till it’s sleek & de-tangled and use a comb with bigger gap btw the bristles! Haha… Anyway, to continue, each of the 3 strokes needs to be accompanied by the following 3 phrases (1 phrase for each stroke ar… Not repeat the 3 phrases for all 3 strokes!):
i. First comb, comb till the end (I know it sounds horrible when translated to English – but it’s quite poetic in Chinese)
ii. Second comb, every strand of hair are in order
iii. Third comb, children & grandchildren full 1 whole floor (I’m serious! That’s the exact translation! Honest! Now you know why our forefathers always have minimum 8 & max infinity children!). I must have been crossing my fingers when this was said cos’ I “have not even laid an egg since getting married!” sigh…
Think you can get to the bride now? Not tht easy… There will be friends & relatives of the bride (only women) tht set up roadblocks at the entrance of the bride’s room. The groom / his entourage will need to perform anything tht the friends / relatives ask to do – it can range from eating some disgusting concoction of wasabi + soya sauce + raw eggs etc, singing love songs and come up with an impromptu poetry recital to showing-off the groom’s “physical prowess” with some hard push-ups! Look! 1-hand push-up! (lucky for my hubby my aunties & friends are much too nice to torture him much. Just some angpows & a song. Cheh!)
b) Red Baby bathtub – again for the baby… Can the hint be any stronger!?!
c) 2 rice bowls filled to the brim with rice & 2 pairs of chopsticks – to signify tht the couple will always be filled with wealth & will not find anything in want. The chopsticks are to signify tht the couple now will always be in pairs.
8. Wedding Dinner
After going through all the above, the wedding dinner is the easiest to get over with. Just drink like a fish, accept all forms of concoction / cocktail of hard liquor, don’t care to who / where just shout “Yaaaaaaaaaaa - aaaaammmmmm Seng!” you’ll never go wrong and pray tht you didn’t make too much of an ass of yourselves in front of your parent-in-law / relatives. Word of advise, make sure you eat before dinner, cos’ you can expect to have dinner 2 hours later than the time printed on the wedding invitation (Why we even bother putting the time on the card is a puzzle to me…)
Coincidentally it consists of 8 steps! “Fatt ah! Very Fatt” (not fat ar mind you… It means prosperous in Chinese)
Boy, this is 1 loooonnnnggggg marathon to complete. It spans across weeks to write this & cracking my head to remember the details of my own wedding. Am sure I’ve missed out quite a bit cos’ there’s so many! So Sean, do you still want a full scale Chinese wedding? Hahaha…. I went through them & despite the many steps; it was quite fun actually (thinking back now tht is – not then… Was crazily nervous then!)
Ok, so here goes – it’s going to be a long 1 (apologies if I misquoted / misrepresent cos’ I must admit that I’m also very much a “banana” = yellow outside, white inside) :-p
1. Seeking hand in marriage
Sean will most likely skip this step cos’ he’s proposed (on bended knees!) in some mountain (I can’t remember where – Canada?). Anyways, just for general knowledge, normally the head of the family from the bride & the groom will meet at a Restaurant / Tea House (most likely over dim sum – juzz my fantasy, may not be true…). This is where they’ll be agreeing on the marriage & “hammer” out such details as number of tables to be reserved for the brides’ family for the wedding dinner, dowry amount, dowry presentation date, “Cross Door” date (i.e. when the bride is fetched fr the lady’s to the man’s family) & yada-yada-yada.
2. Presentation of “dowry” & “sweetener”
Now this is an interesting piece of tradition, cos’ I didn’t really know much abt it until I went through it myself. Following are the list of stuff my husband has to prepare & bring to my parent on the allocated date & time :
a) Dowry – of course…. Money-money-money…. Not cheap u know to feed & educate kids these days… hahaha
b) Raw cane sugar in bars – to sweeten the bride’s family for having their daughter “taken away”. To understand this concept is another long story, but suffice to say tht to traditional Chinese, the daughter is as good as “given away” / a more crude version would be “water tht has been thrown out of the bride’s family” & thereafter will be the full fledged family member of the groom. So to “compensate” for the bitterness of having to part with their daughter whom they have cared for all these years, they are given sugar / sweet stuff as “sweetener”. Now it’s given more as a tradition rather than a form of “compensation”
c) Boiled pork / pork leg (can’t remember) – don’t know wht is this for to be honest. Not another form of compensation I hope cos’ I sure hate to be “traded” with a pig! haha
d) Bao / Mantou preferably with Kaya filling – I don’t know the original reason behind this, but the new version tht I hear fr the “Dai Kam Che” (the lady employed to handle all the ceremonies for the wedding) is tht Kaya which is made of coconut milk + egg + sugar also sounds like the Malay word for “Rich” & Bao in Chinese sounds like “guaranteed”. So by having Kaya Bao, you’re “Guaranteed Richness”… I know-I know, this must be some new thing M’sian Chinese developed. Doubt the Mainland China folks know wht is Kaya!
e) Sweet drinks – Same concept as (b). In this modern age & time F&N Orange would do just fine. No Coca-Cola / Pepsi pls… Anything black is a No-No.
In return, my family will give the following (it is the believed tht the groom should not go back empty-handed. The superstition is tht the bride’s family will take all the wealth fr the groom :
a) Old coconut – To be honest I can’t remember if this is supposed to come from the bride / the groom, but I just assume it’s fr the bride lah! Reason being, the bride will call the father-in-law by the title “Loh-Yeh” (roughly translated as Old Father?.. or something like tht) & old coconut is called “Low Yea” in Cantonese; so due to similarity in sound, this is given (probably to say “You can start calling me Loh Yeh fr now Missy! :-p ). Oh & it has to be 2 & not 1. Chinese is against odd numbers. Everything good must come in even numbers. Normally these old coconuts are stuck with red paper cut out to the shape of “double happiness” Chinese character.
b) Any sweets / cakes / offerings deem fit by the bride’s family. Pix of some sample:
3. Delivery of “ka lui peng” = marry daughter biscuits (direct translation)
The brides family will buy a type of biscuit called “ka lui peng” to be presented to the invited guests when the wedding invitation card is being sent out. It’s a round cake with thin flour skin usually in yellow / red colour with lotus paste / red bean paste filling & a double happiness “stamp” on top. Pix as follows.
The brides family will buy a type of biscuit called “ka lui peng” to be presented to the invited guests when the wedding invitation card is being sent out. It’s a round cake with thin flour skin usually in yellow / red colour with lotus paste / red bean paste filling & a double happiness “stamp” on top. Pix as follows.
4. Hair Combing Ceremony (make sure use lots of conditioner here! Rebonding anyone?)
I don’t know the history of this ceremony, but I do know wht happens. Following are the things that a bride has to prepare for the ceremony:
a) A brand new pyjama – preferably in pink. Dunno the significance of this, but I guess you don’t wanna start your married life wif your ol’ pyjama qua… Word of caution: despite modern times & yes, we know the laces / lingerie is a much sexier alternative for the “bedroom action”, pls DO NOT attempt to wear this “variety” for this ceremony. Some elders may just have a heart attack & the ancestors may just go in hiding! A modest 2 piece pyjama with long pants (not shorts!) will do.
I don’t know the history of this ceremony, but I do know wht happens. Following are the things that a bride has to prepare for the ceremony:
a) A brand new pyjama – preferably in pink. Dunno the significance of this, but I guess you don’t wanna start your married life wif your ol’ pyjama qua… Word of caution: despite modern times & yes, we know the laces / lingerie is a much sexier alternative for the “bedroom action”, pls DO NOT attempt to wear this “variety” for this ceremony. Some elders may just have a heart attack & the ancestors may just go in hiding! A modest 2 piece pyjama with long pants (not shorts!) will do.
b) A pair of red candles, joss sticks, “bowl” to hold the joss sticks in place & red paper / cloth to cover the table
c) “Thong Yuen” which consists of small rice-flour balls in sweet syrup – some of the rice balls are tinted with red dye. 1 of the rice ball should be of a bigger size & the bride is suppose to eat / swallow it without chewing! (I remembered wondering wht if I choke here… then there wouldn’t be a wedding! But… puh-puh-puh dai ka lai si!)
d) Red Thread (can someone tell me wht is this for?)
e) Mirror (errmmm….)
f) Scissors (err… In the olden days there’s no professional hairdressers, so the bride need to get her haircut / set on this day?)
g) Red Wooden Clogs – the bride is suppose to wear this during the ceremony
h) Comb – now this is the interesting part. The parent of the bride will need to comb the hair of the bride in 3 strokes & each stroke must be a complete stroke from the crown of the head to the tip of the hair. It’s deemed in auspicious to have a tangle half way through the stroke; belief it is to signify tht married life should be smooth sailing & no obstacles in the way. Modern women have the solution to this – rebonding! Some may rightfully ask, what if I wanna keep my natural curls? You cheat! Wash / wet your hair (get the help of conditioners if need to), comb your hair till it’s sleek & de-tangled and use a comb with bigger gap btw the bristles! Haha… Anyway, to continue, each of the 3 strokes needs to be accompanied by the following 3 phrases (1 phrase for each stroke ar… Not repeat the 3 phrases for all 3 strokes!):
i. First comb, comb till the end (I know it sounds horrible when translated to English – but it’s quite poetic in Chinese)
ii. Second comb, every strand of hair are in order
iii. Third comb, children & grandchildren full 1 whole floor (I’m serious! That’s the exact translation! Honest! Now you know why our forefathers always have minimum 8 & max infinity children!). I must have been crossing my fingers when this was said cos’ I “have not even laid an egg since getting married!” sigh…
5. Fetching the bride
At a fixed time, the bridegroom will come to the bride’s house in a “convoy”. The bigger the “convoy” the more “face” the bride’s family has (typical Chinese – show offs! Hahahaha). Normally the brother of the bride will need to open the door of the groom’s car when it arrives & for tht “service” the groom is suppose to give “angpow” to the future brother-in-law to buy a new pair of shoes (dun ask me why shoes cos’ I dunno, but tht’s wht I was told).
At a fixed time, the bridegroom will come to the bride’s house in a “convoy”. The bigger the “convoy” the more “face” the bride’s family has (typical Chinese – show offs! Hahahaha). Normally the brother of the bride will need to open the door of the groom’s car when it arrives & for tht “service” the groom is suppose to give “angpow” to the future brother-in-law to buy a new pair of shoes (dun ask me why shoes cos’ I dunno, but tht’s wht I was told).
Think you can get to the bride now? Not tht easy… There will be friends & relatives of the bride (only women) tht set up roadblocks at the entrance of the bride’s room. The groom / his entourage will need to perform anything tht the friends / relatives ask to do – it can range from eating some disgusting concoction of wasabi + soya sauce + raw eggs etc, singing love songs and come up with an impromptu poetry recital to showing-off the groom’s “physical prowess” with some hard push-ups! Look! 1-hand push-up! (lucky for my hubby my aunties & friends are much too nice to torture him much. Just some angpows & a song. Cheh!)
6. Tea Ceremony – Bride’s House
Immediately after “retrieving” the bride, both bride & groom will start serving tea to the bride’s family – starting with the bride’s grandparent, parent, paternal uncle, aunties / cousins (only those married), maternal uncle, aunties / cousins (only those married). They will take turns to be seated in pairs, the couple will bow, serve them tea & greet by their title / rank in the family (e.g. “Eldest paternal uncle, pls have some tea” / “3rd maternal auntie, pls have some tea). In return, they will give the bride & groom ang pow or in some cases they’ll give the bride gold chains / jewelleries; which she has to decked them all upon being given. So if you have 10 bracelets you’ll be wearing them up to the elbow! & if there’s 5 necklaces, you’ll be wearing all of them over your neck! I also learned tht if an elder is pregnant, she must stand when being served tea because the bride & groom are older than the baby in the womb, so it wouldn’t be right for the baby to “sit” (via his/her mum’s body) & be bowed at by their elders.
After completing this, the bride & groom can then sit & distribute ang pows to the children / unmarried relatives (even those older than the bride & groom because in Chinese tradition, a person who’s unmarried is still considered a “child”). Finally the bride will be escorted out by the groom & a lady representative carrying either a red / pink umbrella towards the groom’s car. The relatives of the bride will follow in the cars that came in the convoy to go to the groom’s hse for another round of celebration as invited guests.
7. Prayers to the Gods & Tea Ceremony at the Bridegroom’s House
When the bride comes to the groom’s house, she has to bring along the following items:
a) Potty with fruits, ang pow, “leng zhi” & “bak hap” (both are a type of dried edible seed & plant bulb) in it & the rim is covered in red paper. Fruits in Cantonese is “Sang Guo” & the word “Sang” sounds like deliver (as in deliver a baby); the word “zhi” from “leng zhi” sounds child & the word “hap” from “bak hap” sounds like good tidings (or something like tht lar... difficult to translate this). Naturally the red potty is for future use by the little ‘un (the hope is not too distant future)
Immediately after “retrieving” the bride, both bride & groom will start serving tea to the bride’s family – starting with the bride’s grandparent, parent, paternal uncle, aunties / cousins (only those married), maternal uncle, aunties / cousins (only those married). They will take turns to be seated in pairs, the couple will bow, serve them tea & greet by their title / rank in the family (e.g. “Eldest paternal uncle, pls have some tea” / “3rd maternal auntie, pls have some tea). In return, they will give the bride & groom ang pow or in some cases they’ll give the bride gold chains / jewelleries; which she has to decked them all upon being given. So if you have 10 bracelets you’ll be wearing them up to the elbow! & if there’s 5 necklaces, you’ll be wearing all of them over your neck! I also learned tht if an elder is pregnant, she must stand when being served tea because the bride & groom are older than the baby in the womb, so it wouldn’t be right for the baby to “sit” (via his/her mum’s body) & be bowed at by their elders.
After completing this, the bride & groom can then sit & distribute ang pows to the children / unmarried relatives (even those older than the bride & groom because in Chinese tradition, a person who’s unmarried is still considered a “child”). Finally the bride will be escorted out by the groom & a lady representative carrying either a red / pink umbrella towards the groom’s car. The relatives of the bride will follow in the cars that came in the convoy to go to the groom’s hse for another round of celebration as invited guests.
7. Prayers to the Gods & Tea Ceremony at the Bridegroom’s House
When the bride comes to the groom’s house, she has to bring along the following items:
a) Potty with fruits, ang pow, “leng zhi” & “bak hap” (both are a type of dried edible seed & plant bulb) in it & the rim is covered in red paper. Fruits in Cantonese is “Sang Guo” & the word “Sang” sounds like deliver (as in deliver a baby); the word “zhi” from “leng zhi” sounds child & the word “hap” from “bak hap” sounds like good tidings (or something like tht lar... difficult to translate this). Naturally the red potty is for future use by the little ‘un (the hope is not too distant future)
b) Red Baby bathtub – again for the baby… Can the hint be any stronger!?!
c) 2 rice bowls filled to the brim with rice & 2 pairs of chopsticks – to signify tht the couple will always be filled with wealth & will not find anything in want. The chopsticks are to signify tht the couple now will always be in pairs.
8. Wedding Dinner
After going through all the above, the wedding dinner is the easiest to get over with. Just drink like a fish, accept all forms of concoction / cocktail of hard liquor, don’t care to who / where just shout “Yaaaaaaaaaaa - aaaaammmmmm Seng!” you’ll never go wrong and pray tht you didn’t make too much of an ass of yourselves in front of your parent-in-law / relatives. Word of advise, make sure you eat before dinner, cos’ you can expect to have dinner 2 hours later than the time printed on the wedding invitation (Why we even bother putting the time on the card is a puzzle to me…)
Coincidentally it consists of 8 steps! “Fatt ah! Very Fatt” (not fat ar mind you… It means prosperous in Chinese)
Boy, this is 1 loooonnnnggggg marathon to complete. It spans across weeks to write this & cracking my head to remember the details of my own wedding. Am sure I’ve missed out quite a bit cos’ there’s so many! So Sean, do you still want a full scale Chinese wedding? Hahaha…. I went through them & despite the many steps; it was quite fun actually (thinking back now tht is – not then… Was crazily nervous then!)
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