"Love Triangle" of Storm - Wolverine - Sabretooth

This is a blog dedicated to the "speculation" of a "Love Triangle" between Storm - Wolverine - Sabretooth.

Our dear Ms Storm has been going steady with "dashing" Wolverine for some time now. However, friends around her are noticing that she's having a new admirer that's been keeping her away from our daily lunch appointment. This admirer remained "un-named" until Storm (again in her moments of insanity) mentioned the name "Sabretooth"

Now, to those in the know, Wolverine got his name from the facial & errmmm... other body hair; so it should come to no surprise that we whole heartedly agree that Sabretooth is a befitting "name" for her new love interest for a reason.

Sabretooth is "cute" (ugly but adorable?), but one has to admit that he seriously needed some "oral cosmetics". Nothing high-tech... some braces will do. :-)

We're so mean.... but it keeps the office interesting... :-)
I better not tease Storm & her "super-hero" boyfriends too much... My hubby might end up being Prof. X for having the bald head.... or worse... "The Thing" in Fantastic Four for the tummy size AND the bald head.... yikes!

Private Thoughts

I have secret thoughts & feelings that I keep to myself of which I am still in state of self denial but am trying very hard to recognize the errors of my thoughts. I think so far I have only shared this once with someone I trusted, but even after verbally expressing it, I have neither the courage nor the mental strength to mend the errors of my way. So, I'm trying the "therapeutic" blog writing to recognize the negativities of my thoughts and hopefully by recognizing them in writing, I may heal myself mentally, emotionally & re-build bridges that I have inadvertently burned in my moments of blindness. Though I do laugh & have my moments of fun, but I really can't help feeling empty, sad & a part of me "dying" inside. I feel like a totally different person from the one I use to be. I start to realize this change after the miscarriage that to this date I am unsure has happened. To start from the beginning, I found out I was pregnant towards the end of January 2005, just a few months after I got married. Or at least that was what the GP told me & what the tiny strip of pregnancy tester show me with the 2 visible lines. However, possibly due to the stress of travels during the CNY that year & stress at work, I started to have spottings. It finally ended with a trip to the Emergency Ward of a hospital because I started bleeding sometime past midnight. I guess what traumatized me to this day was the treatment I had at the emergency ward. There I was scared witless & ready to cry any moment... a lady, possibly a trainee MD cruelly & unemotionally tells me that it is just my period & I was not pregnant in the first place. I'm just kidding myself & being excited over nothing. I was shocked speachless that I was unable to scream my protests or complain of the insensitivity of the Dr. The rest was a blur of embarassment trying to explain in my limited vocab of Cantonese to my mother-in-law of what the Dr said & that I'm not even sure now if I'm pregnant in the first place. Though she didn't say anything & maybe I was just imagining her expression due to the unstable state of mind I was in - I can't help feeling that my in-law must be thinking I'm such a fake... A woman who doesn't even know she's pregnant or not & now doesn't even know if she's just had a miscarriage. We went to get a second opinion from another Dr in another specialist center; which assured me that the chances of me having a false +ve in my pregnancy test is highly unIikely & it is highly probable that I did have a miscarriage. Irregardless, I felt uncontrollably worthless. I keep telling myself it is just me being too hard on myself. I should not blame myself for what has happened... Miscarriage or not... but I still find myself re-counting the "what-ifs". What if I did not travel to Thailand for my business trip What if I found out earlier so that I didn't misunderstood the bulge as fat but a growing foetus & thus stop squeezing myself into a tight garter What if I did not travel long distance during my first month of pregnancy What if I did not scoff off the idea that women in her first 4-mths of pregnancy are myths I was indeed tormented by this thoughts for some time but did not let on even to hubby dearest. Then it gets worse when my sister-in-law got pregnant... Then my best friend got pregnant... Then a colleague of mine who got married 2-3 years after me got pregnant... Suddenly almost everyone around me are pregnant! When my sister-in-law got pregnant again with the second child, I started to break down & cry in front of my husband whenever he tells me we need to go to a family dinner / my sis-in-law is coming to visit... I can't even face meeting her, because it reminds me of my own "barrenness"... It was then that I start to recognize & got worried about my mental health. I think I may have scare my husband with my outbreak as well. This recognition came to me only mid last year, after about 2+ years of denial & thinking that I'm ok. 2+ years of not being able to look at my sis-in-laws' first born without feeling the loss of my own unborn child. 2+ years avoiding / talking to anyone who is pregnant / has delivered as it reminds me too painfully that I can't experience the same joy of motherhood. 2+ years that I did not contact my very best friend in highschool... I can't even bring myself to send her a congratulatory message or call her when she informs me via sms that she has just delivered a healthy baby girl... It is with this recognition that I start to approach a gynae. I know I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is not the end of the world, but does hamper my chances of getting pregnant. I'm not sure if I have fully recovered from my self-inflicted mental agony, but I am trying... I'm not even sure if it is serious enough to require a visit to the shrink... but I hope by releasing more of my thoughts, my frustrations, my negativities, my fears & be selfish by talking nothing else but about me, I can become whole again... One Day... I'm grateful to my friends & my husband, but I also know that to pull through, the effort still lies with me. After writing all this down, I'm not even sure if I want to publish such private thoughts... but then again, maybe it is a good release & a sign that I'm ready to move on?... So it is with this thought in mind that I post this Private Thoughts - albeit reluctantly...

The Case of Edison & Gal Pals

When the case of Edison & his girl pals went all over the internet and debates over the morals of their conduct are published in papers & magazines; I can't help feeling afraid... Not that I have such glorious past with naughty photos to hide, but rather I was shocked that in the age of the internet & light speed of information sharing, something so private & intimate can be made so readily available worldwide. Imagine if it happens to someone we know / even ourselves. It may not be as spectacular as in the Edison's case, but let's say it is a really private thought that we record / a confidential information of our estate that we wouldn't want the general public to know. It just takes someone with intention to ruin your reputation to post something on the net and you're condemned / your life falls apart. Marriage fails. Trust broken. Respect went down the drain. I'm not condoning the act of Edison & his gal pals and neither am I condemning them... but I felt that the people who "stole" the very private pictures & deliberately violated the privacy / personal life of another person are just as guilty, if not more. I feel it is a cyber version of "rape"... Of being violated. No one, no matter how immoral a past they have, deserves such a treatment...

To Ori Or Not To Ori?

Non Malaysians may be wondering what does the title mean, but it is crystal clear to my fellow Malaysians. There's a local "slang" of which Ori means - Original & normally it is used in reference to VCDs, DVDs, CDs.... the works.

In Asia, it is extremely common to find pirated VCDs, DVDs, CDs etc. You can even have a choice of :
1. "Recorded from a Cinema" view with walking shadows across the screens, but you get to see the show fresh from the directors' & producers' "oven"
2. Copied from DVD - with crystal clear pictures but it'll be much later after the show has been in theatres for some time.

I was part of the "guilty" group of people who purchase the pirated version of movies especially since it costs less than RM10 per DVD. It is especially during my student days when money is "tight" & your budget is entirely from the FAMA Bank (short for FAther Mama Bank).

As original VCDs & DVDs prices starts to drop & becomes more affordable, I find myself buying original more often lately... Plus the fact that I'm earning my own income now... that helps. I also began to appreciate that by purchasing the original version, I'm actually supporting the producers, movie investors, script writers, not to mention the artists involved in the making of a movie / music. If I were to purchase pirated materials, my money would go to people whose only effort is re-producing works of others without any effort (albeit the "running effort" when chased by the law enforcers). If it becomes unprofitable to produce a movie / good music, we may very well end-up with lousy materials in our movies & music as investors stop investing on high-budgeted movies / music.

So, the question now is "To Ori or Not To Ori?"

I can summarize my opinion as this....
When our pocket is thin & our very "survival" is the highest on the agenda, we normally have no space in our hearts & minds for the "loftier" & nobler thoughts of rewarding & giving recognition to the parties due. Whatever that gives you the equivalent quality at the cheapest price goes.

When we reach a stage where our bellies are full, we have the time for leisure & the luxury to think of nobler thoughts. We then have the ability & again the luxury to reward where recognition is due.

At this stage; though I may not be rich, but I have the luxury of choice to purchase original at a lower price... I'm defnitely picking Ori. It may not be as cheap as the ones that I can get at the local DVD stalls, but a few RM more for better quality without the heart ache & effort of going back to the pirated DVD stall demanding for an exchange of faulty goods... I think it is well worth the price.

An example was, my hubby and I bought a DVD for "The Incredibles" and not only was the quality lousy, half way through the show, the disc just hangs & refuse to play on no matter how we fast forward / rewind. Even if we were to go back to the stall, we have to remember from which of the dozens of stalls did we purchase from. Then there's the question of whether the person even recognize that the faulty DVD was purchased from his stall. It's not like they'd bother giving a receipt for the pirated movie. So in the end, we find that it was too much of a hassle to go through for an RM7 DVD. Parking at RM3/entry alone excluding the cost of petrol & toll is already adding to the overall cost of the DVD. Some time later, we found a shop selling original "The Incredibles" DVD at RM19.90. It's more than double the pirated version, but the quality is assured, the picture is clear, the colour is bright. It even has the extended version + behind the scene bonus disc.

A second example is the CD for my favourite game - The Sims. Whoever thought of buying the original version. It is ridiculously expensive at hundreds of RM per disc. Then you have expansion packs etc... But I have been purchasing the same sets of the Sims + all the expansion packs for almost 3 times & they all fail, that I'm beginning to contemplate buying original (though I have not reached that stage yet... still a question of affordability).

Again the question of "To Ori Or Not To Ori" are all relative.

To sum it up, there was a saying that goes, "When Poverty Knocks on the Door, Love Flies Out the Window"... In this case, "When Poverty Knocks on the Door, Principles Flies Out the Window"... Not many people can afford the principle of paying high prices to reward & recognize the people who put effort in their work... Me included... :-p

Romantic or Plain Waste?

Last Valentines I read on the newspaper of a man who rented a whole billboard along the LDP to propose to his beloved right on Valentine's Day. It costed him RM40k!!! along with a diamond ring that costed RM4k. If I'm the girlfriend, definitely I'll be literally swept of my feet... I'll bet most women are envious of such grand gesture & what a way to propose! However, the practical side of me (that happens with Geminis... split personality - so bear with me... haha) thinks that it is such a waste of a good RM40k. Even if money is not a problem for me, or I come from a family with a gazillion RM, it's still a waste... to me... I mentioned this to my husband; whom from my introduction in my previous blog, is the last person on earth to be a romantic; readily agreed that it was rather OTT (Over The Top). I was not surprised by this reply, in fact I rather expected that he would have said that. However his next remarks was quite interesting & made me ponder. If he had that much of money to burn, he would much rather use it to buy a RM40k local car, tie it with a large ribbon & with a proposal message. Irregardless if the woman says "yes" or "no", that car is hers. Blow it on a billboard & all you have are memories, some photo and RM40k lighter. Secondly, if he wants everyone to see proclamation of love, wouldn't a whole 2 pages spread in a local newspaper / even pay for the front page would have a greater effect? Everyone that reads the newspaper / even glance at the newspaper at the newsstand would know of it. The whole nation, North, South, East, West & East Malaysia would also know about it. Talk about "indecent exposure"! Then I thought, why stop there? How about some airtime on the radio / TV? Am sure a few seconds on the airwave would cost around RM40k as well. Cool heh... Lastly, that man's money = the couple's future money together. Imagine blowing it on a billboard when that same amount can be used as a down-payment of a RM400k home! Asked to choose between a nice & cosy love nest vs. a temporary advertisement on a billboard, which would you pick? (and I'm asking the practical woman in you - not the irrational half) In our "zealousness" in condemning the RM40k wastage, I can't help feeling deep down a small voice saying... "...but I don't mind getting that kind of proposal..." "...but isn't it romantic... I'll remember that event for life..." "...but I do love being treated like a princess / queen... important enough to splurge on a billboard with my name plastered on it with proclamation of love" Then I turn to my husband and said, "despite what I said just now about the more practical uses of RM40k rather than wasting it on a billboard, being a woman, I still find it romantic & wouldn't mind if someone were to do this for me too..." If I'm worth it, what is RM40k! I wonder if women are a walking mass of contridiction... We love to be pampered, but if faced with such questions, can we still accept our irrational fantasies of romance? At the end of this discussion, I belief there is no right or wrong here. It is just differences in opinions / views. Some may find it romantic, to some (like my hubby) finds it a plain waste & me...??? If I have so much money that RM40k is like 40sen, why not indulge in a little fantasy? After all, we only live once... ;-)

Valentine's Day - Personal Experience

It was Valentine's Day last Thursday & I can't help remembering the most memorable Valentine that I had with my husband - then boyfriend. It was so hillarious that I never doubted that the story will be told & repeated even after we're old and grey. Since becoming an item some years back, I was complaining for the lack of romantic gesture. Not a single stalk of flower, card or gift. I even remembered telling myself, "well what do you expect from a stingy china-man!" (no offence to the other romantic Chinese men out there). So it came with a great surprise when I receive my first flower bouquet... Except, there were 2 problems... 1. It is a floral arrangement on a small rectangular plastic container of some sort (the type you'd get when visiting a patient with a "Get Well Soon" sign stuck in the middle of the foliage 2. they are Yellow small petal Chrysanthemums (the type the Chinese normally bring along to the grave / temple as offerings when they pray) As you can imagine, I wasn't that pleased... But he had such a clueless look on his face; still grinning proudly as if he'd completed such a commendable task that I didn't know whether to cry in frustration or laugh at the ridiculous situation I was presented. I can never imagine the first real flowers from my boyfriend would be the Chrysanthemum. This is more disasterous that the plastic flowers that my dad bought for my mum. I was torn between telling him off or accepting the flowers that is still in his hands graciously. Finally I took the flowers (with the green sponge holding the flower stems still soaked with water that slightly spill out of the container) half laughing asking what on earth made him chose this flower & this arrangement. His answer was... "It is my first time at the florist. I just ask her I need some flowers & she gave me this". A smile was plastered on my face & in that split seconds, my imaginary hand was slapping at my forehead (my physical hands are soaked wet juggling the floral arrangement so as not to wet the whole floor, remember?) & the only thing that ran across my mind was - "which cave did this guy come from? Didn't he watch any movies / serial / show that gives him even a clue of what flowers to girlfriend should look like? & who's that stupid florist who didn't bother to ask to whom the flowers was for / for what occassion? - remind me NEVER to visit that florist in PD again! Jeez!" Indeed, these were my thoughts in that split second... Though for the life of me I can't imagine how I can think of that much in such a short time, but I did!... Well... at least he tried... After that incident, I have stopped having any fantasies about having 999 stalks of red roses proclaiming undying love or heart shaped chocolates nestled in a bouquet of daisies or a set of Valentine's couple's T-Shirt. Some people tell me, "well at least you can be assured no other women in her right mind would want a guy who send her flowers for the grave - so you're saved from potential mistress problems"... haha... But the practical side of me is telling me - Valentine's Day is just like any other day. As long as he treats me right, there's mutual respect, we're happy & most importantly we love each other despite staying apart most of the week (he works in PD, whilst I'm in KL); Valentine's Day or not, it's no longer important. Though the emotional side of my feminine side is saying "Yeah right... I still like my FLOWERS!" So to all the women with similar clueless partners... Long live our patience & unlimitted understanding. May our men folks finally learn the art of being romantic without being a Casanova! Amen! Happy Valentines!

Chinese New Year

Lets see, what to share about the Chinese New Year this year...

It was pretty uneventful dispite the earlier misgivings... It was rather quiet though... Totally unlike the Chinese New Year I used to have when I was a child. Then again, I'm not exactly sure if I miss my childhood CNY celebration either...

You see, I come from quite a diverse, traditional & big family (at least in my opinion). So CNY is always... how should i put it... ??? chaotic? It is normal to have about 150 people in our house & the whole New Year was centered on food preparation (Chinese are great foodies... They eat everything under the sun with the exception of those with upright vertebrate - though some are disagreeing with me on that point as well!).

Anyway, so with 150 people in your house, the minute you're awake, it's breakfast preparation - and Chinese Breakfast on CNY is not bread, eggs & coffee / cereal mind you. We have rice, roasted & salted peanuts and the main dish - mix vegetable (I understand that those having mix vegetable for breakfast are most likely Cantonese - so if you find you're a Cantonese & not having this traditional practice; you'll most likely be called a banana - yellow outside, white inside). Being Chinese, of course everything we do / eat / make must somehow relate to something auspicious. So in the mix veg, we have a black colour, hair looking algae called "Fatt Choy" which directly translates to "Hair-Looking" Vegetable; but as it sounds like "Fatt Choy" (meaning becoming prosperous / rich) as in Gong Hei Fatt Choy; Cantonese tends to put lots of this algae into their food. In fact I understand Chinese especially Cantonese are so particular in having this black algae that the harvesting has caused miles of new desert area in China!

That is just breakfast... By the time everyone finished breakfast (which means several batches of people taking turns to eat at the dining table) & all dishes are washed; it is time for lunch preparation and you guessed it... after lunch it is dinner preparation (which is usually the highlight meal of the day).

Some might wonder, how do you feed 150 people in a house with just 1 x 10 pax dining table? Well, we have a spare foldable table (which by the way can only fit 5 pax at max), but the bulk of the "Children" (and that includes un-married adults) have their meals "buffet" style! The amusing part was not the buffet meal, but rather the "table" that was used to arrange all the dishes... I give you 3 guesses, what we used for the table...

1. ...........???................



2. ...........???................



3. ...........???................



The answer is a Ping Pong table in the middle of our hall! haha... bet it didn't come across your mind... Rather creative isn't it.

Anyway, back to the present. So, as you can imagine, having 150pax every year until recently and suddenly having less than 12pax now (my in-laws, my 2 brother in-law & their family, my hubby & myself); it becomes extremely quiet even with the TV blaring at the background the whole day.

The good thing about celebrating CNY in KL though is having KL all to yourself. NO JAM!!! yeah! Imagine driving from Cheras to Bukit Bintang / Sungai Wang via Jalan Loke Yew without the customary crawl & taking 10mins max! Heaven! :-)

The 2nd day of CNY was more eventful when I went to my maternal grandmother's place for the 2nd leg of the celebration. More uncles & aunties, cousins and of course my own parent & brothers... Some "harmless" card games & catching up with everybody & stuffing our face silly with the New Year cookies + mandarin oranges. Granny of course prepared her signature Asam Laksa, Auntie Lai Chin - her "Mean-Fun-Gou". Food here is delicious - more Malaysianized Chinese type of food - aka spicy... hehe...

Anyway, a few hundred angpows lesser & a few kg added, it's time to go back to work... Though I keep telling myself it is neccessary to go back as I had a list of things-to-do in my log book; can you blame someone for grudgingly going back to work? Am just happy I didn't have to work over the CNY like I used to sometimes.

Happy Chinese New Year! Gong Hey... Gong Hey...

Prevention is Better Than Cure

I receive this in an e-mail on the creativity of advertisement. For those who can't read the text on the paper bag it says "Reach out to children with autism". I'm no expert in the subject of children with autism, so this post is not about this (maybe later after more research...); but rather it's more on my thoughts that this same advert can be used to encourage parents to take better care of their children - especially in Malaysia.

We have had several cases of children being kidnapped & yet it baffles me that parents continue to be so negligent as to allow their children to roam free unattended / attended by another minor in public places.

It saddens me to see multiple posters distributed over various mediums - TV, newspapers, magazines etc when the child went missing. Worse was having to read the newspaper that some paedophile / some very very sick people sexually abuse and/or kill the child (I can't imagine the feeling of the parent when even a stranger like me has such strong feelings).

As in most cases, Prevention is Always Better Than Cure. What's the point of pleading on TV & crying our eyes out over the poor child who has been cruelly taken / separated from their parent, when the basic preventive steps are not practiced. It is 1 thing to take all the precautions & the event still occurs vs. the event occurs as a result of our negligence.

The second point to ponder is child safety on the road. It is alarming to find children walking unattended at main roads packed with traffic. Many are left to cycle along with the cars speeding just beside the child! Though I agree strongly that children should learn to be independant, but taking on the streets alone is just too scary; what with the number of speeding cars & motorcycles on the road. For the sake of saving time / the cost of a parking ticket, many school-going children had to cross the road unattended as well.

So, in my opinion, the same paper bag could be used to advocate 2 things to increase awareness among parents & child alike:
1. Always hold your child / keep your child within eyes range when in public places

2. Always hold your child when crossing the road

In this days & times, it's always better to take extra precautions rather than regret later for not taking the preventive actions.

Woman...

As I catch up with a long lost friend of mine who migrated to the Netherlands, motherhood & the overall experince of being a woman. I heard of maternity leaves in certain EU countries reputed to be 2-6 mths! With such info, I can't help remembering an incident I heard from a friend.

There's a woman in office who's very near her delivery due date (about 2-weeks to go), so she tried to finish as much work as she can, try to get her alternate to know what are the things that she perform so that there are back-up in her absence, etc. However, there's still 1 last item that her boss thought that it is extremely important that only she can do it & no one else; so she said to the lady "Can you postpone your leave till next week?" (& very seriously I must tell you... no kidding!). When the story was relayed back to me & my friends, we didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified... We asked the lady how she responded & she said "If you can keep that little fella in from coming into this world..."

On another incident, a friend of mine delivered a healthy baby boy & when we visit her, I was of the impression that I will be meeting the new mum & her baby happily in each others arms, getting acquianted with each other. I'm shocked to find though that the mum was "harrassed" over the phone to the point that she had to turn on her laptop & go on-line to work. & even when I commented about it, she thought there's nothing wrong with it & maybe she's just a plain workaholic...

The point of all my rambling is...

I'm just curious to know if this only happens to women in the East OR it happens everywhere in the world (even in the West where the Feminist & gender awareness seem to be stronger there) OR this is just a matter of personal choice / experience? Comments?

Hurrah! Hurrah! It's a Holi-Holiday!

Okay... It's not exactly a weekend, but we're almost there... It's Friday & it's a Public Holiday for Federal Territory... I took a train last night from KL Sentral & arrived Seremban terminal at nearly 12midnight. It's late to travel but I'm not complaining... This year is definitely better than the past 3-4 years I've had in my previous assignment. At least I get to "breathe" rather than stuck in office without dinner till past midnight every month-end. I'm mighty sorry for whoever who took over my job... but hey, maybe he's better at stuff & less of a klutz, so finish with less stress & much earlier than me. Anyway, as the trip from KL Sentral to Seremban takes about 1hour 20mins, I took the time to catch up on my novel reading (a passion than I have abandoned for the last 3 years). I'm so happy to be able to have time to read again. & when I say read, I'm talking about serious reading... where you really complete a book & not just a few pages at months on end. I've also started to buy lots of books (faster than I can "consume" them, but I must feed this long suppressed hunger) & am so gratefull that I had decided to walk into a warehouse sale unplanned (which is very rare for me - ask my friends & my poor hubby... they how much of a stickler to plans I am). It was a fine lazy weekend, similar to today, as we (my hubby & I) drove along a street back in PJ & I caught a banner saying warehouse sale of clothes & books! We went in to check out the items & found "Pay Less Books". I knew its existance for some time but I have never really gone to a sale they throw from time to time. Boy was I ecstatic! They had a wide range of books & at such good prices that I belief to some serious book fans, they may think it is an insult to the book, its content & its author... Not that I'm complaining though... In fact I love it; afterall they are second hand (though in very good condition I must say) & some of them new. Anyways, after that first visit, I'm poorer by a few hundred RM, but am richer with a few tonnes of really good books. I'm thinking of setting a blog just for my comments / reviews of the books I've read. It would be good to chronicle the stuff that I read & maybe along the may, hopefully get some people to be interested to pick up the books that I'm passionate of. Back to the present. It has been raining since morning & after my customary weekend breakfast of honeyed tea & a few rounds of shortbread, it really sets the mood for a good curl up in the lazy chair & read till my hubby calls to fetch him up from work (he works in PD, so no Public Holiday for him...) So, in case you're interested, I'm currently reading "The Summon" by John Grisham. Ciao & have a good weekend... cos' I know I will...