Bond - Ketenangan Di Dunia Penuh Kesengsaraan

The other day, the Retail team were treated to a free Premier screening of Bond: Quantum of Solace at GSC Signature @ The Gardens, when they launched the "secret" model car tht will be on sale at our Retail stations.

We were like "deer enter a village" (Malay proverb to describe someone who's awed by normal stuff - not very good @ translating. Storm, will need Mr Tee & Mr Tam's help), cos' when we found out tht the seats can recline (a bit lar), gangsta mama & I started to throw our weight against the seat & it went boing-boing-boing... hahahaha..... (fortunately Shell bao the whole cinema for this show - no other ppl to witness the "perak"-ness of these few claim execs).

Then when the movie started, Gangsta Mama, Storm & I nearly sprayed our Pepsi when we saw the Malay translation for Quantum Solace - "Ketenangan Di Dunia Penuh Kesengsaraan"! Well, if we get "lonely lady seeks company of vegetable" for subtitles in a Thai movie, this is mild in comparison I guess... But we're really amazed by the "creativity" tht went into translating tht title! The 3 of us might translate it as "Ketenangan Kuantum" / "Jumlah Ketenangan" & left it as tht.... :-)

Since we were seated in pairs, I was sitting with Gangsta Mama; while Storm was seated with a Malay guy colleague of ours (I pity him... wonder how he survived). As usual, Storm was gushing over how "manly" / "macho" / "hot" Daniel Craig is. Her fever for Craig was immediately dampened when he replied "He looks like a.... a..... what do you call the men at sea...? errr.... Nelayan (i.e. fisherman)!...."

Though after tht event, Storm tried to justify tht the colleague actually meant "Sailor", but just can't find the word for it; I highly doubt tht he made tht error... I seriously think he meant it when he said our new Bond looks like a "Nelayan". Poor Storm....

All in all, I guess we enjoyed the cinema setting more than the movie. To the Bond fanatic fans, they'll insist tht it's a continuation to the 1st Bond movie by Daniel Craig, so might be confusing for those who didn't follow the series... Still.... Can't help feeling the it didn't meet the mark.

Shopping Funnies

Lately I have been going on shopping sprees with Ms Storm - weekdays & weekends. Weekdays is whenever we got sick & tired of work & wants out. Weekends is whenever hubby dearest goes for his weekly hair treatment (& whenever Ms Storm can drag her ass out of bed before 12noon!).

One of the funniest incidents was when we found a dinner wear on 70% discount. There's 1 dress tht I particularly liked, but they only had size 'M' available. I doubt I can fit into it, so I replaced it on the rack, but Ms Storm as usual was 'brilliant' in her advice; said tht some size 'M' are huge, so I "might" just fit into it.

Oh well... No harm trying....

I got the dress down just nice all right but I can't zip up, so back to the racks... errr... but wait a minute.... why can't I get it pass my shoulders now.... hmmmm.... let's try downwards.... oh no, it's stuck at my hips.... How did I get in & can't get out? It's a puzzlement... Maybe it's my bra? So I removed it & still found the dress stuck at my shoulders. I knew then I need to get help fr Ms Storm so tht I can stretch my arms to the front & try to "arrow" my shoulders so tht it's less wide; while she pulls the dress out of me.

Darn! but I have no pants to put on because I was wearing a dress thinking tht it's easier to shop when I have only 1 article of clothing to remove. Now it's working against me - I don't have any pants to put on! Oh to hell with it! It's better than tearing this dress & having to pay RM100+ for a torn dress!

Storm? Storm? Oh Storm.........? I peered out the fitting room door & can't find her anywhere. Where did she go?!? I'm doomed.... Then a knock on the door.... Drat! Not the sales girl I hope... I cracked open the fitting room & what a relief to see Storm's face (I think tht is the only time I'll ever be relieved to see Storm... hahahaha....) Anyway, I told Storm of my predicament, got her into the fitting room (with me trying my best to cover my "modesty"), pulled the darn clothing over my head (phew.... wht a relief!) & practically pushed Storm out immediately after!

We were laughing all the way after tht (causing quite a few stares in the process) & Storm naturally insists tht this has to be documented in my blog (since I've caused enough embarrassment documenting her antics). Oh well.... think this is mild compared wht you normally do Storm... So I don't mind...

Oh, but before I end; I can't help putting in another Storm's antics from this shopping trip. Guess why Storm was missing when I first called for help? Well, Storm has a HUGE black handbag (tht she tortures & fill it up till the shape is all contorted) & while waiting for me, she made a turn somewhere near a mannequin, accidentally swings her HUGE handbag & knocked the hand (wrist downwards) off! She tried to fix it back, but the hand can't seem to be fixed back in place. Finally she left it right next to the mannequin's feet. As the mannequin is modeling a long evening gown, the wrist of the hand is covered, so from the view of any passers-by, the mannequins seem to have 3 feet!

Storm... I think we'll be banned from the shop in future lar with wht we did tht day... Probably a CCTV picture distributed to all staff to "shoo" at sight! :-p

More Shopping Funnies to come when I can write again....

Sigh.... Storm's Quirks

I think this is not the first time I said tht I need to change this blog into "Storm's Quirks" rather than "Fern's Quirks"! I'm writing almost all about her quirks here & I'm going to post another 1 now! Sigh... The unfairness of it all.

Let's see where to start? There are so many.....

1. She likes it "hard & rough"
OK.... Before any of you go anywhere near 18SX, pls take your mind off the dumpster & read first (or izit just me having my mind in the gutters? blame it on my hubby! I'm innocent! HA!). Anyways, to those close to dear Ms. Storm, we know she hates the drumstick because, in her words, "it tastes so oily & slimy & smooth, it's disgusting". Some new friends tht join us for lunch then queried her further; "what about beef / lamb?" Of which she answered tht she only takes the lean meat & cut away the fat. Gangsta Mama & I must have sent everyone else in the lunch group in silent shock when we said "In summary, she likes her 'meat' hard & rough!"... OMG... The 18SX connotation from tht 1 sentence!

2. Pastis, Tennis & Coke?
You must be wondering what does all the above words have in common. None whatsoever if not for the fact tht there were some really "damaging misunderstanding" due to some hearing problem / bad pronunciations (the reason for the misconception depends on whether the person is the listener / the speaker. Naturally the speaker aka Ms. Storm will say tht it's the listeners tht's having hearing problem). Anyway, back to the topic. So 1 day, Ms Storm suggested tht we should do lunch at the Gardens MidValley in a cafe called "Pastis". I did a double take & said "What?!?!?! Testis for lunch!" Ms Storm then had to spell it out for me & as mentioned earlier, both parties claim to be the innocent & it's the other party's error. For this case though, I can proudly claim tht it is definitely in Ms. Storm's pronunciation, because she repeated tht to several other ppl (Gangsta Mama & Road Bully included) & all of them heard the same word as I did...

Some time later, we were talking about tennis because Storm has a crush on Roger Federrer lately & has been following the progress of the tennis matches. When she mentioned the word "tennis", somehow all of us heard the word "penis" & she started laughing her normal Storm hysterical laugh saying "What is wrong with you guys! First Pastis became Testis & now Tennis?!" To which the rest of us defended, "we told you it's your pronunciation, otherwise you won't have all of us hearing the wrong thing right.... We further speculated how wrong it will sound if we tried to say "I love playing tennis & balls" OR "I love playing tennis, but hate collecting balls" but it sounded like...... you fill in the blanks ;-)

Then only recently (lunch today in fact), we're at San Francisco Steak Hse having lunch with free-flow Coke / Sprite. This time Storm had some hearing problem when I said "Would like more Coke" & she burst out laughing. Puzzled I looked at her & she had to whisper over the table (cos' we had a male lunch partner in our midst). With a devilish glint in her eyes she said "I heard Cock" Oh Ms Storm.... you're so crass.... :-p

3. Never trust a translation for a Thai movie
As experienced by our dear Ms Storm (I seriously wonder why all this strange incidence happens only to her), she was bored & tried watching a Thai horror flick relying on sub-titles to understand the story. Needless to say, she stopped when the sub-title came in as "lonely girl seeks company of vegetable". How can a horror movie sound so "blue"? Only in Storm's world.

4. Rear-End Review?
Ms Storm was about to send a meeting invite to her supervisor to book time for her Year-End Review. Just before sending the mail out, she realized tht she accidentally typed "Rear-End Review" on the title. Talk about MAJOR Career Suicide Move (CSM)... (author is rolling her eyeballs in resignation)

5. Salmon Balls anyone?
Why does everything Ms. Storm says seem to have sexual connotations? Now, Ms Storm has developed a penchant for the Salmon roe (not the tiny ones, but the bigger ones the size of small necklace beads). Trying to tell me & Road Bully about her new "love" she said "I just love this Salmon balls. It's so squishy & juicy, it just bursts in my mouth! Yum!" It sounded SO dodgy... Granted, it might be just me & road bully purposely misunderstanding her, but.... but.... there are better words to use.... "Roe", Ms Storm... It's called Salmon Roe!

Opps.... I have more to share but hubby dearest is already waiting downstairs... I'll continue in my next article of "Sigh..... Storm's Quirks Part II". As usual, we can never finish her quirks in 1 sitting.... :-) Meanwhile, enjoy... Storm, you're welcome to "defend" yourself, but it's no use... :-p Others, if you see anyone defending Storm's actions, you know who she is....

P.S. I Love You

I recently read this book called P.S. I Love You. Have always wanted to read it from the great reviews I heard of it, but looking at the synopsis, it didn't sound tht enthralling. Boy was I wrong! It was among the most emotional / touching book I've read.

The funny thing was, I keep hugging my hubby after every single note tht ended with P.S. I Love You, tht he gave me the wht's-wrong-wif-u look.

The gist of the story is tht there's a couple called Gerry & Holly. Gerry is diagnosed with brain tumor & died. As Holly was still in great depression after his death, she found a parcel from Gerry to her & in this parcels there are 10 envelopes - 1 for each month (he died in Feb, so it's for the balance of the mths before the year ends). The rule of the game is she can only open the envelope on the allocated mth. Each envelope has a short message asking her to do something tht will - help her get through her grief / reach out for her friends & family again / find a job to occupy her time / enrich her life / an all expense paid trip for Holly & her friends! etc-etc... but they all ends with P.S. I Love You - which is so touching.

So to explain my "hugging actions" to my hubby I told him the story & said I can understand how the heroine feels... I can't bear thinking of such tragedy befalling us! It makes me wanna cry thinking how horrible it must be to go through wht Holly had to go through. Sigh.... but.... ever the realist, my hubby said "So... you're thinking I'll die soon / first ah... & you want me to write to you tht notes."

Rolling my eyes, I tell myself... why did I even bother telling this man who gives me chrysanthemums (the ones you bring to the Chinese graves) as a gift!

Tried promoting it to Storm but she can't appreciate it as well. In her words "the heroinne is crying & whining all the time; it's nerve grating!" Hmm... Isn't tht a normal reaction to death especially for someone so close?

Oh well... I still love it anyway & it reminds me to never take for granted tht our loved-ones know of our feelings without expressing... Reminds me to say "I Love You" more often to ppl tht matters. Reminds me to be more patient if my hubby is taking hours to get ready / is such a sound sleeper tht I have to create an "earthquake" to wake him up / is slow to figure out wht pisses me off (men!). After all, he was patient with my "lousy" cooking (always not as good as mummy's... an impossible yardstick to match up to... Imagine - "my mum fried eggs differently & it somehow tastes better" duh...), my craze for books (even reading over dinner), my chocoholic cravings, my building shoe collection & my craze over L'Occitane products.

So bibi dearest... Have I told you today? P.S. I Love you... :-)

Fern's Evil Twin

I've done it! I've finally got my hair cut & permed! Gosh... I do look different! Storm said tht it must be my evil twin walking around.... Not Fern...

Have been putting it off for so long tht when I told Storm I'm going to get my hair done, she gave me the "Yeah-right-we'll-see" look.

So Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah - 1st time in my 29-years on earth I'm having curls in my hair. Will try to get my pix posted as soon as I got 1.

Thanks for those who voted... See... I took your advise... :-)

Ciao!

Chinese Wedding Tradition for Sean

My Ozzi “halfy” (half Aus + half Chinese) cousin is getting married & he’d like to plan a traditional wedding ceremony in M’sia to celebrate the occasion with his Mum’s side of the family. So in my attempt to document down the list of ceremonies / things to do, I thought, why not just document them down in my Blog! Haiya…!

Ok, so here goes – it’s going to be a long 1 (apologies if I misquoted / misrepresent cos’ I must admit that I’m also very much a “banana” = yellow outside, white inside) :-p

1. Seeking hand in marriage
Sean will most likely skip this step cos’ he’s proposed (on bended knees!) in some mountain (I can’t remember where – Canada?). Anyways, just for general knowledge, normally the head of the family from the bride & the groom will meet at a Restaurant / Tea House (most likely over dim sum – juzz my fantasy, may not be true…). This is where they’ll be agreeing on the marriage & “hammer” out such details as number of tables to be reserved for the brides’ family for the wedding dinner, dowry amount, dowry presentation date, “Cross Door” date (i.e. when the bride is fetched fr the lady’s to the man’s family) & yada-yada-yada.

2. Presentation of “dowry” & “sweetener”
Now this is an interesting piece of tradition, cos’ I didn’t really know much abt it until I went through it myself. Following are the list of stuff my husband has to prepare & bring to my parent on the allocated date & time :
a) Dowry – of course…. Money-money-money…. Not cheap u know to feed & educate kids these days… hahaha

b) Raw cane sugar in bars – to sweeten the bride’s family for having their daughter “taken away”. To understand this concept is another long story, but suffice to say tht to traditional Chinese, the daughter is as good as “given away” / a more crude version would be “water tht has been thrown out of the bride’s family” & thereafter will be the full fledged family member of the groom. So to “compensate” for the bitterness of having to part with their daughter whom they have cared for all these years, they are given sugar / sweet stuff as “sweetener”. Now it’s given more as a tradition rather than a form of “compensation”

c) Boiled pork / pork leg (can’t remember) – don’t know wht is this for to be honest. Not another form of compensation I hope cos’ I sure hate to be “traded” with a pig! haha

d) Bao / Mantou preferably with Kaya filling – I don’t know the original reason behind this, but the new version tht I hear fr the “Dai Kam Che” (the lady employed to handle all the ceremonies for the wedding) is tht Kaya which is made of coconut milk + egg + sugar also sounds like the Malay word for “Rich” & Bao in Chinese sounds like “guaranteed”. So by having Kaya Bao, you’re “Guaranteed Richness”… I know-I know, this must be some new thing M’sian Chinese developed. Doubt the Mainland China folks know wht is Kaya!

e) Sweet drinks – Same concept as (b). In this modern age & time F&N Orange would do just fine. No Coca-Cola / Pepsi pls… Anything black is a No-No.

In return, my family will give the following (it is the believed tht the groom should not go back empty-handed. The superstition is tht the bride’s family will take all the wealth fr the groom :
a) Old coconut – To be honest I can’t remember if this is supposed to come from the bride / the groom, but I just assume it’s fr the bride lah! Reason being, the bride will call the father-in-law by the title “Loh-Yeh” (roughly translated as Old Father?.. or something like tht) & old coconut is called “Low Yea” in Cantonese; so due to similarity in sound, this is given (probably to say “You can start calling me Loh Yeh fr now Missy! :-p ). Oh & it has to be 2 & not 1. Chinese is against odd numbers. Everything good must come in even numbers. Normally these old coconuts are stuck with red paper cut out to the shape of “double happiness” Chinese character.

b) Any sweets / cakes / offerings deem fit by the bride’s family. Pix of some sample:

3. Delivery of “ka lui peng” = marry daughter biscuits (direct translation)
The brides family will buy a type of biscuit called “ka lui peng” to be presented to the invited guests when the wedding invitation card is being sent out. It’s a round cake with thin flour skin usually in yellow / red colour with lotus paste / red bean paste filling & a double happiness “stamp” on top. Pix as follows.

4. Hair Combing Ceremony (make sure use lots of conditioner here! Rebonding anyone?)
I don’t know the history of this ceremony, but I do know wht happens. Following are the things that a bride has to prepare for the ceremony:
a) A brand new pyjama – preferably in pink. Dunno the significance of this, but I guess you don’t wanna start your married life wif your ol’ pyjama qua… Word of caution: despite modern times & yes, we know the laces / lingerie is a much sexier alternative for the “bedroom action”, pls DO NOT attempt to wear this “variety” for this ceremony. Some elders may just have a heart attack & the ancestors may just go in hiding! A modest 2 piece pyjama with long pants (not shorts!) will do.

b) A pair of red candles, joss sticks, “bowl” to hold the joss sticks in place & red paper / cloth to cover the table

c) “Thong Yuen” which consists of small rice-flour balls in sweet syrup – some of the rice balls are tinted with red dye. 1 of the rice ball should be of a bigger size & the bride is suppose to eat / swallow it without chewing! (I remembered wondering wht if I choke here… then there wouldn’t be a wedding! But… puh-puh-puh dai ka lai si!)

d) Red Thread (can someone tell me wht is this for?)

e) Mirror (errmmm….)

f) Scissors (err… In the olden days there’s no professional hairdressers, so the bride need to get her haircut / set on this day?)

g) Red Wooden Clogs – the bride is suppose to wear this during the ceremony

h) Comb – now this is the interesting part. The parent of the bride will need to comb the hair of the bride in 3 strokes & each stroke must be a complete stroke from the crown of the head to the tip of the hair. It’s deemed in auspicious to have a tangle half way through the stroke; belief it is to signify tht married life should be smooth sailing & no obstacles in the way. Modern women have the solution to this – rebonding! Some may rightfully ask, what if I wanna keep my natural curls? You cheat! Wash / wet your hair (get the help of conditioners if need to), comb your hair till it’s sleek & de-tangled and use a comb with bigger gap btw the bristles! Haha… Anyway, to continue, each of the 3 strokes needs to be accompanied by the following 3 phrases (1 phrase for each stroke ar… Not repeat the 3 phrases for all 3 strokes!):
i. First comb, comb till the end (I know it sounds horrible when translated to English – but it’s quite poetic in Chinese)
ii. Second comb, every strand of hair are in order
iii. Third comb, children & grandchildren full 1 whole floor (I’m serious! That’s the exact translation! Honest! Now you know why our forefathers always have minimum 8 & max infinity children!). I must have been crossing my fingers when this was said cos’ I “have not even laid an egg since getting married!” sigh…

5. Fetching the bride
At a fixed time, the bridegroom will come to the bride’s house in a “convoy”. The bigger the “convoy” the more “face” the bride’s family has (typical Chinese – show offs! Hahahaha). Normally the brother of the bride will need to open the door of the groom’s car when it arrives & for tht “service” the groom is suppose to give “angpow” to the future brother-in-law to buy a new pair of shoes (dun ask me why shoes cos’ I dunno, but tht’s wht I was told).

Think you can get to the bride now? Not tht easy… There will be friends & relatives of the bride (only women) tht set up roadblocks at the entrance of the bride’s room. The groom / his entourage will need to perform anything tht the friends / relatives ask to do – it can range from eating some disgusting concoction of wasabi + soya sauce + raw eggs etc, singing love songs and come up with an impromptu poetry recital to showing-off the groom’s “physical prowess” with some hard push-ups! Look! 1-hand push-up! (lucky for my hubby my aunties & friends are much too nice to torture him much. Just some angpows & a song. Cheh!)

6. Tea Ceremony – Bride’s House
Immediately after “retrieving” the bride, both bride & groom will start serving tea to the bride’s family – starting with the bride’s grandparent, parent, paternal uncle, aunties / cousins (only those married), maternal uncle, aunties / cousins (only those married). They will take turns to be seated in pairs, the couple will bow, serve them tea & greet by their title / rank in the family (e.g. “Eldest paternal uncle, pls have some tea” / “3rd maternal auntie, pls have some tea). In return, they will give the bride & groom ang pow or in some cases they’ll give the bride gold chains / jewelleries; which she has to decked them all upon being given. So if you have 10 bracelets you’ll be wearing them up to the elbow! & if there’s 5 necklaces, you’ll be wearing all of them over your neck! I also learned tht if an elder is pregnant, she must stand when being served tea because the bride & groom are older than the baby in the womb, so it wouldn’t be right for the baby to “sit” (via his/her mum’s body) & be bowed at by their elders.

After completing this, the bride & groom can then sit & distribute ang pows to the children / unmarried relatives (even those older than the bride & groom because in Chinese tradition, a person who’s unmarried is still considered a “child”). Finally the bride will be escorted out by the groom & a lady representative carrying either a red / pink umbrella towards the groom’s car. The relatives of the bride will follow in the cars that came in the convoy to go to the groom’s hse for another round of celebration as invited guests.

7. Prayers to the Gods & Tea Ceremony at the Bridegroom’s House
When the bride comes to the groom’s house, she has to bring along the following items:
a) Potty with fruits, ang pow, “leng zhi” & “bak hap” (both are a type of dried edible seed & plant bulb) in it & the rim is covered in red paper. Fruits in Cantonese is “Sang Guo” & the word “Sang” sounds like deliver (as in deliver a baby); the word “zhi” from “leng zhi” sounds child & the word “hap” from “bak hap” sounds like good tidings (or something like tht lar... difficult to translate this). Naturally the red potty is for future use by the little ‘un (the hope is not too distant future)

b) Red Baby bathtub – again for the baby… Can the hint be any stronger!?!

c) 2 rice bowls filled to the brim with rice & 2 pairs of chopsticks – to signify tht the couple will always be filled with wealth & will not find anything in want. The chopsticks are to signify tht the couple now will always be in pairs.

8. Wedding Dinner
After going through all the above, the wedding dinner is the easiest to get over with. Just drink like a fish, accept all forms of concoction / cocktail of hard liquor, don’t care to who / where just shout “Yaaaaaaaaaaa - aaaaammmmmm Seng!” you’ll never go wrong and pray tht you didn’t make too much of an ass of yourselves in front of your parent-in-law / relatives. Word of advise, make sure you eat before dinner, cos’ you can expect to have dinner 2 hours later than the time printed on the wedding invitation (Why we even bother putting the time on the card is a puzzle to me…)

Coincidentally it consists of 8 steps! “Fatt ah! Very Fatt” (not fat ar mind you… It means prosperous in Chinese)

Boy, this is 1 loooonnnnggggg marathon to complete. It spans across weeks to write this & cracking my head to remember the details of my own wedding. Am sure I’ve missed out quite a bit cos’ there’s so many! So Sean, do you still want a full scale Chinese wedding? Hahaha…. I went through them & despite the many steps; it was quite fun actually (thinking back now tht is – not then… Was crazily nervous then!)

Where Do I Start?!?!

Boy there's lots to update after the long period of silence. Where do I start?..... Well, there's 1 piece of update that I would really want to record here, so I'll start with whatever that comes to mind.


Storm recently got her teeth bleached (ok... the right term to use is whitened; but I always feel that for the case of Storm, anything normail is abnormal). As a result, she must refrain herself from staining agents like all caffeinated drinks. However to a caffeine addict like Storm that is like asking her to stop breathing! "What!! No teh tarik for my evening breaks?!?"


The Solution? Typical Storm came up with the "brilliant" idea of using a straw to drink her Cafe Latte & Teh Tarik. Whenever we go to the normal restaurant we frequent, she will order a Cafe Latte & then asks for a straw. The first time she asks for it, the waiter practically cocked his brow. Don't blame him... It's my first time hearing of someone drinking latte out of a straw too.


Anyways, that's not the end of it.... Oh yes... There's more...

So, since she does it so frequently, it comes to a point when the waiter automatically brought her latte along with a straw without her asking for it! Worse... Sometimes, they were waiting for her to ask for it & when the request was not forthcoming, they come to Storm & ask "Need a straw?"

Our lunch group became known / remembered because of Storm! sigh... what's new...

Nightmare in June

Boy! Jun 2008 should go down in history as the worse month in my entire life! If Blog writing can be an indication, it is obvious that I have a combination of :
1. hectic work schedule
2. weekends reserved for blog writing is now for either working / recovering from the late nights at work over the weekday
3. writers block that lasted for a month
4. plain ol' laziness to even turn on the PC because I have been facing the PC almost 24-7 during the weekdays (I think I have developed PC / laptop phobia during this period)

sigh...... Promise to be more active in July. There's lots that I want to update that I don't know where to start! One (many actually) of which involves Storm (as usual) & another theory / hypothesis on work.

Catch up later!